


halfway to somewhere

by confusednp



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, It’s 2018, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Short, We support the gays, Weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 13:48:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14874906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusednp/pseuds/confusednp
Summary: On a quiet night in, Phil thinks back on how lucky he is (aided by his favorite substance).





	halfway to somewhere

The air is thick and heavy. It makes him breathe more slowly than normal. Longer too. Or maybe that’s the last of the weed in his system. His lungs have many purposes tonight.

It’s rare that Phil does this. He usually doesn’t like to rely on a substance to relieve stress; he has Dan for that, and he’s far more addictive than any drug Phil’s found. But the tour, meeting fans every day, feeling the pressure to put up content anyway, all that has been too much in the past weeks.

Tonight of all nights, he needs it. The sweet warmth and fog that clouds his mind, dulls the pain that comes with life. Oblivion feels so nice. It feels like dove grey, and smoke, and cooling ashes.

Like always, Dan is with him.

By his side, in some dreamlike waking, not quite sleeping, but not thinking. Not thinking is a good look on Dan, Phil thinks privately. His face isn’t tight with worry or fear, or worse: slack with numbness like it is on bad days.

Tonight he looks his age, four years younger than Phil, skin soft and relaxed, eyes fluttering, almost closed. Eyes like honey, and cherrywood, and sunlight through autumn trees.

Phil wants to reach out and touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin under his fingertips and smell the scent of detergent and magnolias and something deeper, the faint smell of just Dan. 

He won’t, of course.

Dan is too out of it, so sleepy, too heart-wrenchingly beautiful in this fading light. It may be the slight high he’s riding on, but seeing Dan on their balcony tonight, Phil’s never loved him more. Of course, he says that every day, but it’s true.

Dan would laugh if he ever said it aloud, but Phil likes the idea of them being soulmates. That out in this big world, two people are destined to meet. The thought sweeps him up. He likes feeling like he’s part of something greater than himself. Their future together, he’s sure, is creation, and truth, and something big, bright, important.

Or maybe they’re only soulmates because they decided to be. Maybe they built a place together where they could be meant for each other, not the other way around. That’s the place they visit when they’re away from prying eyes, when it’s just them on the balcony in balmy night air.

In this world that they live in right now, just the two of them, they don’t have jobs, or cares, or fans. It’s just them in a twilight that goes in for as long as they want it to. The sun is always setting in this dimension, and it paints the sky in lazy, sweeping strokes.

In this place they inhabit, it’s always that time when you can say anything. No matter how ridiculous, or sad, or funny, the other will understand. What Dan says tastes like dusky purple, and heather on the moors, and sweet plums.

His whispers taste like they mean something.

The high will be wearing off soon, and they’ll leave this place for the other world they’ve built together. They are sharper and louder in that world, and colors are brighter. The sun always moves in the sky there.

Phil doesn’t prefer one world to the other, doesn’t want one more than another. Because in any world he ends up in, Dan’s “I love you’s” will feel like more than three things can describe. Not quite hot chocolate, or coming home after vacation, or painting the stars into the sky one by one.

“I love you” is special because it exists in any realm.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed it, check out my tumblr @confusednp


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